Don’t you just HATE it when this happens?
Say there’s a woman that you’re trying to get out of the friend zone with, and rest assured you are trying your darndest to succeed. Sometimes, you feel like you’re so close.. But there are other times when she acts like a complete cold fish while you have no idea what you did wrong.
Either that, or she could be giving off ALL THE RIGHT SIGNALS that you should be going for the close, yet she keeps on saying that she just wants to be friends.
Why do women do this? Unfortunately, we will never know. We could assume that they enjoy toying with men, but in this instance let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Another reason that I believe women give off mixed signals with men that are going for them because they themselves don’t know how they feel.
It’s the classic conflict between the logical and the emotional parts of the mind. They might be getting caught in the moment. Their emotional side is telling them to go for it, but for some reason or another, her logical mind is telling her not to (the best way to “convince” a woman is by approaching it from the emotional perspective, as you shall soon see).
Other “experts” might say that the best thing to do is to walk away. Yes, sometimes, that’s the only choice you have, and you should never be afraid to walk away. But to me, walking away is like folding a hand in poker: your chances of winning automatically become zero. Walking away is always my last resort — not if I think I can exhaust all possibilities to try and “win the hand.”
So what’s a guy supposed to do?
First, you need to make sure that she IS indeed giving mixed signals. There’s a chance that you could simply be reading her wrong. To be sure, observe how she acts with other male friends of hers and see if she gives off the same vibe with them. If she treats them in the same way that she treats you, then problem solved: she’s just being friendly with you. But if she acts significantly different with you than she does with other male acquaintances, then it might be the case of inner conflict with her.
If it is the latter, then I like to mirror her actions back towards her. When she’s acting all mushy and sweet towards me, I respond back — heavy. My level of touching increases (we would walk arm in arm; sometimes hand in hand), I would hug a lot more often, I’d put my arm around her, etc. My verbal flirting also increases, and I would say things like, “I always like giving you a hug during times like these” and give her a bear hug. You don’t have to be as drastic as this in the beginning, but you do need to amplify things a notch higher.
During the times that she’s “cold” however, respond back in kind. Be distant and a little aloof. Clearly, she’s not being a fun person to be around — and men will not stand for someone who drags them down, no matter who they might be. Don’t be afraid to hang up the phone (politely, of course) or cut the date short if she’s being a drag. This is how you show that you’re not afraid to walk away without walking away completely.
Over time, she will get the idea that you are open to something more than friendship, but will not stand the mixed signals. When I was dealing with an on-and-off woman before, I remember doing the exact thing I detailed above. Once we were walking hand-in-hand, and I turned to her and asked, “Hey, I wanna know something.. What is *this*?” and pointed towards our hands clasped. That’s when it came out that she liked me, but she was just confused about something.
You cannot logically convince a woman to do something about her mixed signals, because if it is confusion that she feels, then you need to address that confusion with another emotion. You need to overwhelm her with positive emotions towards you to the point that her confusion slowly goes away. Feel free to try out the mirroring strategy if you’re trying to get out of the friend zone with a woman who is the on-and-off-then-on-again type. I believe that you will see some success with this technique.
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Get Out Of The Friend Zone